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5 Ways You Know He Is A Temecula Guy

TemeculaBroWhat was once a small town nestled between Orange and San Diego counties, Temecula has quickly become one of the most popular locations for suburban families looking to set up shop and make a home. Temecula is now identified by the slightly overweight soccer mom driving a SUV while rocking both a designer handbag and at least 5 figures of debt. And dammit it if that's not an amazingly American way to live! Cheers to all those ladies and all of their Starbucks glory. But what about the Temecula men? In a effort to promote equality our editors have decided to write a follow up to the popular article "5 ways you know she is from Temecula" by providing valuable information about how the ladies can tell if a man is from Temecula. Here are the top 5 ways you can tell he is from Temecula!

1. He's "Friends" With Mike Metzger or Dan Henderson

Two of the more famous Temecula area residents are freestyle motorcycle riding icon Mike Metzger and one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time in Dan Henderson. These two men have reached the pinnacle of their respective sports so it is no coincidence many Temecula area guys try to name drop Metzger or Hendo to make themselves appear "cooler" to others. Sure maybe he saw Hendo at Gin Sushi and sniffed his chair after Hendo left, or maybe even got a flaming dolphin tattoo from Metzger, but that doesn't mean he is friends with either. It does however mean he is from Temecula.

2. He Hates Temecula But Will Never Leave

One of the ways you can tell he is from Temecula is how quick he will be to say the city sucks and that he wants to move away to somewhere cool such as San Diego. He said this when he was in his teens, twenties and probably now if he is in his thirties or forties. He will say Temecula is full of drama and that the city is lame but guess what? He will never move. It won't happen under any circumstance. Maybe it is because he only has 2 years of education at MSJC completed or maybe it's because parking his lifted truck in downtown San Diego is nearly impossible. Either way he is not leaving Temecula. Your best bet is maybe a date night with him away from Guadalajara's to a restaurant in Escondido.

3. He Drinks Good Beer

While the rest of the country is crushing Bud Lights and Patron like a bunch of college girls, guys in Temecula are pounding the IPAs. Whether it be Grapefruit Sculpin at Ballast Point Brewery or some Tower 10 IPAs at Karl Strauss Brewery, Temecula guys may not have 401Ks but they certainly have good taste in booze.

4. It's A Sleeve Or Nothing

Tattoos are trendy in Temecula and this is supported by the fact that their are now over 20 tattoo shops in the Temecula/Murrieta area. That's f***ing right, 20+. Think about it in this context, it is more than all the local Alberto's, Alberta's and Jilberto's Mexican food restaurants combined! That's nuts. However, a guy from Temecula doesn't just go into tattoo shop and request a flaming dolphin or gingerbread man, he must have a full sleeve or nothing. See Temecula guys (and many girls) don't like the minimalist hipster tattoos. Temecula guys want full sleeves decorated with koi fish, skulls, some Tim Burton crap or a bunch of other meaningless bullshit. So when you see a guy cruising around the round bar at Pechanga in all his full sleeve inked out glory know that he is 100% from Temecula.

5. He Was Part Of A "Gang" Called Metal Mulisha

California is home to some of the most dangerous gangs in the world such as the bloods and 18th Street gangs in Los Angeles, but Temecula is also home to a gang known as the "Metal Mulisha". Well they aren't really a gang as much as a group of people who wear black shirts, flat bill hats and black socks while talking about riding dirt bikes and hanging out at places such as the Tilted Kilt. Regardless, if you see some dude cruising around dressed between a mix of Johnny Cash's all black style and a teenager who just started his own tee shirt company, he is probably from Temecula.

This article is meant to be satire and in no way offend the men who call Temecula home. Our GPS Car Tracking writing staff simply got drunk at the Promenade Mall and wanted to write a story not related to GPS automotive security.

 

5 Ways You Know She Is A Temecula Girl


temeculaTemecula is home to well over 100,000 people today, and although I am no math major I think it is safe to say roughly 50,000 of those residents are female. Some Temecula women are crazy soccer moms who text while driving their children to school events and others are wine-drinking enthusiasts who get sauced in their best FreePeople skirts at one of the many lovely wineries Temecula has to offer. The Beach Boys once said, “I wish they all could be California girls”, but they were probably not singing about Temecula girls. Regardless, here are the top five ways you can tell a woman is from Temecula!

She Has Tattoos 

Tattoos are trendy now and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Hipster chicks everywhere are now rocking ink and that is rad, but Temecula chicks have been getting shitty tattoos since the 1990s or basically way before it was mainstream. Whether it be a tramp stamp on the low back or a full sleeve of meaningless flowery bullshit, you know she is probably from Temecula if she has tattoos. And most likely she got those tattoos from Jason Medina or Thatcher Demamiel.

Her Ex-Boyfriend Drove A Lifted Truck

Every girl has a dating history and that is totally fine, but between 2003-2009 girls from Temecula loved guys who drove lifted trucks. Sure he probably went to Glamis one time and therefore needed to buy a truck with 4-wheel drive, and the lift kit was insurance if Lake Skinner were ever to overflow and flood the Temecula Valley. I get it. But there was a time investing in a lifted truck was the sure fire way to bag a Temecula girl.

She Has A “I Blacked Out At The Winery” Story

The wineries market themselves as classy establishments that offer a little R&R for anyone wanting a little peace and quiet, but the Temecula wineries are where many females have drank themselves stupid. It does not matter if it is a red, white or glass of champagne, the Temecula wineries have blacked more girls out than Bill Cosby in the 1980s. So yeah if she mentions something about blacking out during a bachelorette party, 30th birthday party or whatever reason it was to book a limo and get trashed at Wilson Creek, Ponte or South Coast winery then she is probably from Temecula.

She Is Married With Children And Saving For Breast Implants

Sure she might have a little organic garden in her backyard, has taken some yoga classes and occasionally shops at Trader Joe’s but don’t let that fool you into thinking she is some sort of new-age hippie into the simple life. If she is from Temecula she is likely putting any savings money not into a college fund for her kids but into a bigger boobies fund. Look there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting bigger boobs. Lots of teenage girls think that way, but when she is 30+, with kids and talking about new ta-tas well it is very likely she is from Temecula. And if things don’t ever work for her selling candles, weight-loss shakes or whatever network marketing scheme is popular at the time, maybe she can get a job at Tilted Kilt during the weekdays when the crowd is a little rougher and customers don’t mind seeing something with a little more mileage on it.

She Is On Temecula Valley Talk Facebook Group…But Hates Drama

Well yeah if she is on a Facebook group called “Temecula Valley Talk” it makes sense she is from Temecula becasue you are not an idiot and understand that. However, those groups have people from all over Riverside County such as Canyon Lake, Menifee and the spectacular vacation city of Hemet. But the girls from Temecula are the ones who typically comment that they don’t like drama and feel the need to always state they are “a good person”. Well only a Temecula girl would stir up a bunch of drama, state they don’t like drama and then of course close it all by saying she is “a good person”. if that sounds like someone you recently met well you likely met a Temecula woman.

This article is meant to be satire and in no way offend the many awesome, kind, compassionate, drunken, soccer moms saving for breast implants who call Temecula home. Our GPS car tracking creative writer simply got drunk at the Promenade Mall and wanted to write a story not related to auto security.

Pop Star Purchasing Home In Temecula Wine Country

justin14Temecula, California is probably best known for its small town values and many winieries. In fact, the city which is located about an hour north of San Diego frequently has celebrities stop by for a little R&R as was the case only a couple weeks ago when Mario Lopez came to Temecula for some wine tasting. However, the folks over in the 951 are about to get a permanent high-profile resident when pop singer Justin Timberlake moves into his new custom buitl private residence on a 3 acre property in Glen Oaks.

Timberlake, who has topped the muscial charts with such Billboard hits as "Sexy Back", was recently interviewed by TMZ street reporter and confirmed the change of address from his beach house in Malibu to a more lowkey farmhouse in the Temecula Valley. "I love Los Angeles and Temecula is really onl a short drive away so is a rad fit", stated Timberlake. He would go on to say, "I love the people in Temecula, they are down to Earth, honest and I don't have to worry about paparazzi when I go for hikes out Santa Rosa Plateu. I am really just happy to start this next chapter of ife in Temecula and maybe perform a song or two next year at the Balloon and Wine Festival!" 

Temecula, California has a population of 106,000 people but arguably no one as famous as Timberlake 

 

 

Who Will Win The Stanley Cup

hockeyNow that the first round of the Stanley Cup Finals are a few games in we have already learned a lot about the final 16 teams still alive. The Capitals, who had little to play for the last month of the regular season, have had excellent goaltending thus far and look as dominant in the postseason as they did in the regular season. They are up 2-0 on the Flyers. The defending champion Blackhawks are still playing a up and down game and could very easily be out in the first round now that they are down 2-1 to the Blues. In California, the favored Ducks and Kings have both lost home ice and have looked very shaky thus far. With the Stanley Cup playoffs still unfolding, our GPS tracking experts have made their updated predictions on who will be holding up Lord Stanley come June!

Dallas Stars & Minnesota Wild

The Stars have taken a commanding 2-0 lead over the Wild have dominated the series every second. The top-seeded team in the west has looked sharp and is very much a contender, but their lack of playoff experience could be an issue deep in the playoffs. Not to mention, the Stars don't have a top 5 goalie and that could be huge when the Stars play a real contender in the next rounds. Sorry Minnesota fans, but you're done this year.

Prediction: Stars in 5

St. Louis Blues & Chicago Blackhawks

This series has been everything as advertised so far. Game one was a overtime thriller that ended on a fluke goal. The Blues controlled game 2 until a tough offsides call resulted in a disallowed goal and shifted momentum which resulted in a Blackhawks win. Game 3 had the Blackhawks in total control until another lucky bounce by the Blues tied the game and 4 minute double minor on Patrick Kane allowed the Blues to capitalize late for the 3-2 win. Both of these teams are fantastic and loaded with talent. These teams don't give up so expect a long series and whoever the winner is to be a real threat for the Stanley Cup.

Prediction: Blues in 7

Anaheim Ducks & Nashville Predators

The Ducks have been playing great after a cold start to open the season but everyone seems to have forgotten how terrific Nashville played down the stretch. Unfortunately for the Ducks they are now finding out just how good Nashville is. In the playoffs offense gets overshadowed by goaltending and Rinne is the best goalie on the ice for either team. The Predators have taken control of home ice and have the Ducks completely flustered. Nashville is certainly a dark horse to win it all while the Ducks are fading fast yet again.

Prediction: Predators in 6

Los Angeles Kings & San Jose Predators

The Kings limped into the playoffs after choking a 3-0 lead to Winnipeg which would have given them the divisional crown and they continue to limp. Down 0-2 to the Sharks and heading back to San Jose, the Kings find themselves in serious trouble. Yes, the Kings came back from these same Sharks down 0-3 to win the series and eventually the Stanley Cup but don't count on that happening again. Also, don't forget if their is one team that wants to end the Kings season more than any NHL team it's the Sharks and they are poised to do so. But if they can get by the Kings their multitude of weaknesses could be exposed by some of the other western conference contenders. Beating the Kings and avenging the collapse of two years ago might be the ceiling for these Sharks.

Prediction: Sharks in 6

Washington Capitals & Philadelphia Flyers

Nobody expected much of the young Flyers this season but they got hot late and took the last spot in the playoffs. It's been a good year for the Flyers, but it's been a great year for Washington. The overall top seed Capitals have looked great in this series and have led wire-to-wire, taking a 2-0 lead. The Capitals are loaded and the Flyers will learn from this series and be a better team next season but the ceiling for Philadelphia is salvaging a game at home because this series is over. The Capitals have all the tools to make a deep run and the Flyers are only a speed bump in the road for Washington.

Prediction: Capitals in 4

Pittsburgh Penguins & New York Rangers

Two great teams with all-world players, but also two teams missing some key players. The Penguins are one of the hottest teams in the NHL but they have a third string goaltender in net. Th Rangers sill have the King in net but have two of their best players on IR. The series is tied 1-1 and the only thing certain is that this will not be a short series. This is a coin toss series that will have many momentum swings. Yes the Penguins have Crosby and now Malkin is back on the ice but the playoffs are about defense and goalies, and when the choice is Henrik Lundqviest or a third stringer I have to give the edge to the All-Star.

Prediction: Rangers in 7

Florida Panthers & New York Islanders

The surprise story of the year has to be the rise of good hockey by the Florida Panthers and play by AARP player Jaromir Jagr. The Panthers have been solid all year and have some seasoned players that can help them, but the Panthers special teams play has weaknesses and that's a big problem in the postseason. The Islanders may not have great goaltending but they can score and have more experience. The Isles may not be Stanley Cup contenders but they should get by Florida in the first round.

Prediction: Islanders in 6

Tampa Bay Lightning & Detroit Red Wings

The Red Wings barely made the postseason while the Tampa Bay Lightning are seeking a return trip to the Stanley Cup Finals so why are many experts picking the Red Wings for the upset? The answer is injuries. Tampa is banged up but missing key players hasn't stopped Tampa Bay from storming out to a 2-1 series lead. Can the Red Wings catch fire and upset the Lighting? Sure but they certainly don't have the roster to make a deep push. Tampa has experience, depth and zero questions about who is the goalie. Detroit may be the nostalgic pick but they aren't the smart one.

Prediction: Lightning in 6

Stanley Cup Prediction

The most talented teams in the west that will be left standing after round 1 will be the Blues and Stars. Dallas has offense and skill players, whereas St. Louis has hard-hitters and the best goalie in the Western Conference. Give me Elliot and the Blues. St. Louis is a terrific team and have had the tough draw of the Blackhawks or Kings the past 4-5 years. Years those teams won the Stanley Cup. Losing to championship caliber teams is not a bad thing and all those tough losses will result in a trip to the Stanley Cup Finals where they will face ....

The Washington Capitals

Washington is going to get by the Flyers and will face a tough test in the winner of the Penguins/Rangers series. But extra rest for the Capitals and home ice will be enough for them to push through to the Finals. The Capitals are a top 5 offensive and defensive team while also sporting a award-winning goalie. Holtby looks sharp, Ovechekin is dialed in and the veteran Capitals are over due for a championship.

Stanley Cup Final Prediction

Capitals in 5

World Series Champions in 2016

The weather is warming up and that can only mean one thing: baseball season is about to begin! The arrival of Spring brings hope and possibility to baseball fans everywhere who believe that maybe 2016 is the year that their favorite team can win the World Series. Unfortunately, there can only be one World Series winner in 2016 and our GPS tracking experts are ready to make their prediction who will be drinking champagne come October!

American League

Favorites according to oddsmakers: Red Sox, Blue Jays, Royals

The Royals are aiming to make it three straight World Series appearances and have clearly shown that defense can indeed win a championship. They tasted defeat in game 7 at home against San Francisco two years ago and that loss was huge motivation for the team to get back to the October classic and finish it off with a win. That loss was something that really helped propel the Royals to a World Series title last year. But that was last year, and this GPS tracking expert doesn't have the Royals making it to the ALCS let alone World Series.

ALCS Prediction

Detroit Tigers Over Texas Rangers

The Detroit Tigers will win the American League and play for the World Series. Yes the Detroit Tigers. Teams can miss the playoffs and bounce back the next season to win it all (look at the Giants) and if there is one team that has the talent and veteran leadership to do it again it's Detroit. They made some key additions to the bullpen, signed a quality starter in Zimmerman and also grabbed another big bat in Justin Upton. They have potentially the best offense in baseball, and if you toss in a bounce back year for former MVP Justin Verlander and it's easy to see the Tigers winning it all.

National League

Favorites according to oddsmakers: Cubs, Mets, Dodgers

The Mets and Cubs are loaded with young talent and it was that young talent that led both teams to the NLCS last year. The Dodgers still have the best pitcher in baseball with Kershaw but will they make additional moves to acquire a stud like Sonny Gray? Will they continue to choke in October? This GPS tracking expert says yes.

NLCS Prediction

Dodgers Over Cubs

The Dodgers have a bloated payroll but a ton of top shelf talent. They also fired Don Mattingly who never seemed to get the lineup correct, and he certainly struggled to manage the bullpen. The upgrade in manager alone should give the Dodgers 5-7 more wins next season. The Dodgers also have a fan base and ownership group that wants to win now. That means trade deadline moves and willingness to roll the dice. The Dodgers have experience, a good offense and arguably the best pitcher in baseball. That will be more than enough for the Dodgers to make it to the World Series.

2016 World Series Prediction

The Dodgers and Tigers will truly be a star-filled series with Miguel Cabrera facing Clayton Kershaw. This one has 7 games written all over it, but the difference will be home field advantage which the Tigers will have thanks to a All-Star game win by they American League. The Dodgers will over-work Kershaw and the power bats of the Tigers will capitalize.

Tigers win game 7 over Dodgers 8-3 to take home the 2016 World Series.

Broncos Will Win Super Bowl In Santa Clara

With the NFL playoffs set to kickoff in less than 48 hours, analysts, sports writers and casual fans drinking at the pub are making their Super Bowl predictions. Some will say the Carolina Panthers who had the best record all season are going to go all the way, but one could also point out that the Panthers played a weak schedule and only have one quality win on the season against the Seahawks. And speaking of the Seahawks, one could argue they are the hottest team in the NFC after laying a beat down on the Cardinals in their barn. The Seahawks still have a great defense, Russell Wilson is always dangerous and Seattle has been to the Super Bowl two straight years so they certainly know what it takes to win. But it is hard not to think about those two losses they sustained to the Rams and feel totally confident. Others could point to the Kansas City Chiefs and their 10-game winning streak to support their Super Bowl argument and they would indeed have a good case. But Andy Reid is a playoff loser, the Chiefs would have to win 3 games on the road and of course this is a team that lost at home to Jay Cutler. Oh what about the Pittsburgh Steelers who are coming into the playoffs...though the backdoor since they lost both games they played against the worthless Baltimore Ravens. Steelers fans can go ahead and thank the Bills for getting them into the postseason but getting into the Super Bowl will require something more than help. The Patriots are the defending champions (thanks for throwing the ball Pete!) and certainly deserve respect. But stumbling into the playoffs with back-to-back losses to the Jets and Dolphins hardly evokes confidence. Not to mention, the injuries are bound to catch up to New England once the competition gets tougher. So who exactly is going to win the Super Bowl? That answer is easy, the Denver Broncos.

Defense

We all know the saying about winning championships and defense and do you know why? Because as Samuel L Jackson would say, "Defense wins mother f***ing championships!" Hell if it weren't for a good defense Trent Dilfer, Jim McMahon, Eli Manning (twice), Brad Johnson and so many other QBs wouldn't have rings. And if good offense meant postseason success then the Patriots would have a 19-0 season under their belt, Dan Marino would have multiple Super Bowl rings and the greatest show on turf would have blown out a team led by a rookie named Tom Brady. When the weather gets cold receivers slow down. Balls don't fly with pinpoint accuracy. Points are harder to come by because the competition is so much tougher. And this is the main reason why Denver can win the Super Bowl this year. They have arguably the best defense in the NFL and will be playing in Denver where it is sure to be freezing, giving the defense even more of an edge. The Broncos will force turnovers and keep the opposing offense from putting up a ton of points. No matter how poorly the Broncos' offense performs, the defense will give Denver a chance to win every single game they play.

Home Field

Having home field is always an advantage. Less traveling, sleeping in your own bed and not to mention having 30,000+ fans screaming for you to win are all great things. The Broncos went 6-2 at home this season and historically have played very well at home in the playoffs. Yes they got their ass kicked last year at home to the Colts but that actually brings me to my other point.

Redemption

After getting bitch-slapped in the Super Bowl against the Seahawks many people tabbed the Broncos to make a return visit to the big game. The Bronco's players probably thought it would be a foregone conclusion as well. But the cardinal rule in sports is never overlook your opponent or they will pop you in the face, and that is exactly what Indy did in Denver by upsetting the double-digit favored Broncos. The Broncos are a veteran group and after what happened last season they will not come into the game lacking preparation. Expect Denver to play hard from the start to the finish.

Peyton Manning

For all those years Manning was lighting up the score board he was also getting bounced out of the playoffs early. Because like we mentioned in the first point, defense wins in the postseason. You know what else is funny? The year Manning was not playing well and the offense was struggling his team actually won the Super Bowl. Manning did just enough and the defense carried them. Manning does not need to throw for 300 yards and 4 TDs for the Broncos to win this year. What he needs to do is control the clock, avoid bad interceptions (like pick 6s) and pick up third downs in key spots. People remember John Elway as a gunslinger with a power arm but when he won the Super Bowl against the Packers he was only 12-22 for 123 yards. Oh and no touchdown passes with an interception. Manning needs to use his brain not his arm and the 5-time MVP can still read a defense as good as anyone in the league. He also can rock the two minute drill pretty damn good as well if need be.

Veterans

Having a team full of veterans is always a plus. Veterans don't get rattled if the score is 14-0 for the other team early. They also avoid complacency if the score is 14-0 for their squad. Peyton Manning, Vernon Davis, Owen Daniels, DeMarcus Ware and others all understand that nothing is promised in the NFL. If you have a good team you better win now because next year your team could easily be 4-12. A lot of these guys have not won a Super Bowl and they want to desperately. They will make the most of their opportunity and play with fire and passion the next three games.

The Denver Broncos have all the tools and pieces necessary to win Super Bowl 50. They have a great defense, home field advantage, a chip on their shoulder from an early playoff ext last year, a 5-time MVP in Peyton Manning and a roster full of veteran talent. This team is deep and easily the biggest threat on the AFC side of the bracket. Broncos fans may have felt postseason pain the last few years but Super Bowl 50 will be a new chapter. A chapter where the Broncos come out, kick ass and take the Lombardi trophy.

About the Author: Horban is a sports and entertainment blog writer for automobile tracking company GPS Tracking Shop

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